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Family violence is any form of abuse or neglect that a child or adult experiences from a family member. Family violence can also come from someone who they have an intimate relationship with. Hurting and controlling someone who trusts and depends on them is an abuse of power.

Family violence can affect anyone. It happens in all types of relationships and families.

Remember it is not your fault. You are not alone, and there is help.

Types of abuse

Abuse can happen to anyone. Abuse is never okay. No one ever deserves abuse.

Physical abuse causes harm or death.

This can be when someone:

  • Hits, slaps, pushes or kicks you.
  • Strangles or chokes you.
  • Stabs, cuts, shoots or burns you.

Emotional abuse is using words or actions to control or frighten someone.

This can be when someone:

  • Makes threats.
  • Puts you down or calls you names.
  • Prevents you from seeing family or friends.

Sexual abuse is forced sexual activity.

This can be when someone:

  • Touches you in a sexual way against your will.
  • Continues sexual activity when you ask them to stop.
  • Forces you to have unsafe sexual activity.
  • Sexual abuse can happen in intimate partner relationships, such as engagements and marriages. Your partner cannot force you to have sex.

Financial abuse is the control or misuse of money or property.

This can be:

  • Taking your money without your permission.
  • Not letting you go to work.
  • Forcing you to sell things or change your will.

Neglect is not providing basic needs or care to a dependent family member.

This can be:

  • Not letting you go to the doctor.
  • Not giving you food, clothing or medication.
  • Abandoning you.
 Abuse warning signs

Abuse has many warning signs. If you see these warning signs in your relationship, or with others, it is time to get help.

 Warning signs of an abuser
  • Always putting the other person down.
  • Talks for the other person.
  • Keep the person away from others.
  • Acts as if they own the other person.
 Warning signs someone is being abused
  • They apologize often for the other person's behaviour.
  • They are nervous talking when the other person is there.
  • They seem sad, lonely and afraid.
  • They use more drugs or drink alcohol to cope.
  • They seem to be sick more often and miss work.

Abuse can start or get worse in pregnancy. If you are pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant, click here to read more about Abuse in Pregnancy: Are you and your baby safe?

Have a safety plan

Having a safety plan is very important. You need to protect yourself and the safety of any children involved. Making a safety plan means deciding what you will do if you are experiencing abuse, whether you choose to remain at home or leave.

Make a plan and talk to someone you trust.

In an emergency, call 911.

Children and domestic violence

Domestic violence affects children in many ways. Children who live in an abusive home, and who witness abuse, may not grow in a healthy way. Home should be a safe place for your children.

Children living with abuse may:

  • Keep secrets or keep to themselves.
  • Harm themselves.
  • Bully others.
  • Have low self-esteem.
  • Have stomach aches or headaches.
  • Have trouble sleeping.
  • Under- or over-eat.
  • Blame themselves.

Children need to feel safe at home to grown into healthy and caring adults. It is never too late to get help.

What is a healthy relationship?

Everyone deserves to be loved, valued, and to feel safe in their relationships. Not all relationships are healthy. It is important to know what a healthy relationship means.

A healthy relationship means that you:

  • Trust one another.
  • Are able to be yourself.
  • Feel safe.
  • Respect each other's opinions, family and friends.
  • Support each other's goals, interests and values.

An unhealthy relationship means:

  • Someone is trying to have power and control over the other.
  • There is abuse.
  • Fear is used to control how the other person talks, acts and thinks.
  • One person feels they are not allowed to see their family or friends.

Where to get help

If you are experiencing abuse, protect yourself and the safety of any children involved. Make a safety plan. Talk to someone you trust. If you know someone who is experiencing abuse, you can get them help. There are many 24-hour services in Durham Region.

In an emergency, call 911.

Durham Region Services

Helplines:

  • Assaulted Women's Helpline, 1-866-863-0511, or dial #SAFE (#7233) on a Bell, Rogers, Fido, or Telus mobile phone
  • Distress Centre Durham Helpline, 1-800-452-0688
  • Durham Region Police Service, 911
  • Rape Crisis Centre, 905-668-9200
  • Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868
  • Children's Aid Society, 1-800-461-8140
  • Durham Health Connection Line, Monday to Friday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., 1-888-777-9613

Shelters and hostels:

  • Bethesda House, 905-623-6050
  • Herizon House, 1-866-437-4066
  • Anishnaabe Kwewag Gamig, 1-800-388-5171
  • Muslim Welfare Home, 905-665-0424
  • The Denise House, 905-728-7311
  • Y's WISH Shelter, 905-576-2997

Other help:

  • Family Services Durham, 905-666-6239 or toll-free 1-888-721-0622, extension 5
  • DRIVEN, 1-877-723-3905
  • Durham Region Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Care Centre, 905-576-8711
  • Catholic Family Services of Durham, 1-877-282-8932
  • WMRCC (Women's Multicultural Resource and Counselling Centre), 1-877-454-4035
  • Luke's Place, 905-728-0978
  • Housing - Durham Region Housing Services 905-666-6222
  • Financial - Durham Region Social Services, 1-877-678-6333
  • Family Law Information Centre 905-743-2630
  • Victim/Witness Assistance Program, 905-743-2790

Find more Helpline Numbers and Shelters in Durham.

For more information about abuse, or where to get help, visit the Public Health Agency of Canada: "Stop Family Violence" website.

Women abuse and child witness program

There is a free program to help mothers who have experienced violence. The program can help you with parenting, stress and building a healthy relationship with your child.

The Catholic Family Services of Durham runs this program. For more information, call the Catholic Family Services of Durham at 1-877-282-8932, or visit Catholic Family Services of Durham.

To read more about the program, visit Mothers in Mind.

Protecting your computer privacy

Be careful what you write and search on your computer. An abuser can look at your computer activity. Never share your passwords and always log out of your accounts. Be careful not to post any personal information or your location on social media.

Use a computer at work, a friend's house or at the library. If you need to use your own computer, you can clear your browser and search history when you are done.

Clear your browser history

Follow these steps to clear your browser's history:

Internet Explorer

  1. Click the Tools menu at top right.
  2. Click Internet Options.
  3. Click on the General tab.
  4. Click Browsing History.
  5. Click Delete browsing history on exit and click OK.

Firefox

  1. Select the Edit menu.
  2. Click Preferences.
  3. Click Privacy.
  4. Click History.
  5. Click Clear Browsing History Now.
  6. Click Cache and click Clear cache now.

Safari

  1. Click Safari menu.
  2. Click Empty Cache and Empty.
  3. Pull down the History menu.
  4. Select Clear History and click Clear.

Chrome

  1. Select the Chrome menu on the top right.
  2. Click Tools.
  3. Click clear browsing data.
  4. Select the boxes for history, cookies and cache.
  5. Select Beginning of Time at the top and click Clear browsing data.

Partner Assault Response Program

Family Services Durham offers a Partner Assault Response (PAR) Program, which provides counselling to adults involved with the justice system due to domestic abuse against a current or former partner. Participants attend 12 two-hour group meetings. Separate groups are offered for male and female participants.

When individuals attend the PAR Program, staff contacts their victims/partners to offer safety planning, support, and referrals to community resources.

  What to expect at the PAR Program
 

Each group session involves education, discussion, and other activities. Topics include:

  • Types of abuse (including forms of non-physical abuse)
  • Effects of abuse
  • The cycle of abuse
  • Taking responsibility for abusive behaviour
  • Gender stereotypes
  • Changing unhelpful self-talk
  • Anger management strategies
  • Effects of exposure to abuse on children
  • Helping children heal from exposure to abuse
  • Improving communication skills
  • The impact of substance abuse
  • Characteristics of healthy relationships
 When and where

Group sessions are held weekly. Daytime and evening groups are available. PAR staff will attempt to register you for the group most convenient for you.

The program is offered at 605 Rossland Road East in Whitby.

 Fees
The PAR Program is provided by Family Services Durham with funding from the Ministry of the Attorney General and client fees. Participants in the PAR Program pay a fee based on a sliding scale. 

For more information about the PAR Program, call 905-666-6239 or toll-free 1-888-721-0622, extension 5

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Health Department
Durham Health Connection Line
The Regional Municipality of Durham
605 Rossland Road East
Whitby, Ontario L1N 6A3
Telephone: 905-666-6241
Toll-Free: 1-800-841-2729
Email Durham Health Connection Line
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